To all those 12.9 year-olds on Tumblr,
I think we all know where you really belong:
I think you should shut the fuck up
we RP smut. I do it all the fucking time.
We write fanfics.
We love yuri and yaoi.
We have dirty minds.
Looks like we misjudged those 12.9 year olds.
Dear future son/daughter
I know that I may not be the best parent, but swear on my mother fucking life that I will never leave you at the supermarket checkouts alone because I know that shit is terrifying and I’m not a fucking monster
WHAT A LITTLE SHIT
i lOVE HOW HE JUST HESITATES FOR A SECOND
THEN HE JUST
why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that
because “pussy” is the shortened form of the word “pusillanimous”, which means “timid, cowardly”
and not the slang word for the female genital region?
literally no one else knows this. nobody.
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
When you get fed up of waiting for a page to load so you close it and in the split second that you do you can see the page has fully loaded but it’s too late
jennifer lawrence just seems like a tumblr person who made it outside
The fact that he ran from like the other side of the red carpet kills me (X)
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR AGES
I like that we who speak English regularly have started leaving the ‘good’ off of ‘good morning’ because now we greet each other with the statement that yes, indeed, it is morning.
An American I know informed me the other day that the thing he finds oddest about Britain is that we use ‘Alright?’ as a greeting. And that ‘Well I’m not dead’ is an acceptable response to this.